Navigating the Emotional Turbulence of Career Loss
Navigating the Emotional Turbulence of Career Loss
Welcome to this edition of Beyond the Flight Deck. In aviation, we often talk about resilience—the ability to adapt, recover, and keep moving forward despite the challenges we face. But resilience isn’t just a professional skill; it’s a deeply personal one, too. In this edition, I’m sharing a very personal story about the journey through the stages of grief after facing a career setback.
For the third time in my career, I’ve found myself in a position I never expected—unemployed, not because of anything I did, but because the startup I was passionate about ceased business operations. This experience has forced me to confront some difficult emotions, and I’ve come to realize that, like many forms of loss, this situation required me to go through the stages of grief.
This isn’t a process that can be rushed. It’s something I’m still working through, and it’s a journey that will take time. But I’m learning to take it one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other, and moving forward with hope and determination.
Navigating the Stages of Grief in Career Loss: A Journey Beyond the Flight Deck
In my previous edition of Beyond the Flight Deck, I shared how, for the third time in my career, I found myself facing unemployment due to the closure of a startup I was deeply committed to. It was a moment of profound reflection—a time to reconsider the path I’ve taken and the choices I’ve made. In the midst of processing this loss, a friend offered me advice that struck a deep chord:
“Let yourself go through all the stages of grief.”
At first, it seemed strange to connect grief—a concept typically associated with the loss of a loved one—to the loss of a job. But as I thought more about it, I realized that the feelings I was experiencing mirrored the stages of grief almost perfectly. Losing a job, especially one you’re passionate about, can evoke a profound sense of loss. It’s not just about the loss of income or routine; it’s about the loss of identity, purpose, and the future you envisioned.
In this article, I want to explore how the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—manifested in my own journey and how understanding these stages can help us navigate the complex emotions that come with career setbacks.
Denial: “This Can’t Be Happening”
When the startup I was working for began to struggle, I didn’t want to believe it. I kept telling myself that this was just a temporary setback, that things would turn around soon. Here are some of the specific things I did while I was in denial:
• Doubling Down on Work: I threw myself even more into my work, convinced that if I just worked harder, we could turn the situation around. I took on extra projects, stayed late, and pushed myself to find solutions, believing that this was just a rough patch that we could overcome with enough effort.
• Avoiding Difficult Conversations: I avoided conversations about the company’s financial situation or the possibility of closure. When colleagues expressed concerns, I would quickly change the subject or reassure them that everything would be fine. I didn’t want to face the reality that things might not improve.
• Clinging to Optimistic Projections: I focused on the most optimistic projections and potential outcomes, ignoring the warning signs that things were deteriorating. I kept telling myself that we were just one big deal away from turning things around, even as the challenges mounted.
• Minimizing Red Flags: I downplayed or rationalized any negative indicators, such as delays in funding, declining sales, or key team members leaving the company. I convinced myself that these were just temporary obstacles, not signs of a deeper issue.
• Rejecting the Idea of Failure: The thought of the company failing simply wasn’t an option I was willing to consider. I kept telling myself that failure wasn’t on the table and that we would find a way to make it work, no matter what.
It wasn’t until I heard the words, “We are ceasing business operations as of close of business today,” that I could no longer deny the truth. The reality hit me hard, and I had to confront the fact that the company I had poured my heart into was no longer going to be part of my future.
Anger: “Why Did This Happen?”
As reality began to sink in, denial gave way to anger. I was angry at the situation and at the fact that I was once again facing unemployment. Here are some of the ways I demonstrated that anger:
• Expressing Frustration Verbally: I found myself venting to friends, family, and colleagues, expressing my frustration with the situation. I would talk about how hard we had all worked and how it seemed that nothing we did was enough to save the company.
• Blaming External Factors: I directed a lot of my anger toward external factors, such as the economy and market conditions. It was easier to focus on these external forces than to face the deeper disappointment and helplessness I was feeling.
• Withdrawing from Collaborative Efforts: As my anger grew, I started to withdraw from collaborative efforts. I became less engaged in team discussions and more focused on my own work, distancing myself from the situation as a way to cope with my emotions.
• Feeling Resentment: I began to feel resentment toward the situation as a whole—resentment that all of my hard work had led to this outcome, and resentment that I was once again in a position where I had to start over.
While anger is a natural response to feeling helpless or out of control, I realized that it wasn’t going to change the situation. It was a stage I had to move through, not stay in.
Bargaining: “What If…?”
The bargaining stage is often characterized by “what if” and “if only” statements. I found myself thinking about what we could have done differently, trying to make sense of what happened and how it could have been avoided. Here are some ways I found myself bargaining:
• Replaying Scenarios: I constantly replayed scenarios in my mind, asking myself, “What if we had secured that next round of funding?” or “If only we had pivoted sooner, maybe we could have saved the company.” These thoughts became a way to hold on to the idea that the outcome could have been different if we had made different decisions.
• Reaching Out for Unlikely Solutions: I began reaching out to industry contacts and exploring last-minute options that might save the company, even when it was clear that these efforts were too little, too late. It was a desperate attempt to reverse the situation, clinging to any hope that things could be salvaged.
• Negotiating with Myself: I found myself negotiating with reality, thinking, “If only I had pushed harder for that strategy,” or “If we had just gotten that one deal, everything would have turned around.” It was my way of trying to find control in an uncontrollable situation.
• Questioning Past Decisions: I started to question the decisions I had made along the way, wondering if I could have done more to change the outcome. This constant questioning was a way to try and make sense of the loss, even though I knew deep down that the situation was beyond my control.
Bargaining gave me a sense of temporary relief, as if I could somehow still change the outcome. But ultimately, I had to accept that no amount of bargaining would bring the company back.
Depression: “This Hurts So Much”
Depression is perhaps the most challenging stage of grief. It’s the point where the weight of the loss feels most overwhelming, and the reality of the situation sinks in. Here’s how I experienced depression during this time:
• Withdrawing from Social Interaction: I found myself withdrawing from social interactions, avoiding friends and colleagues who wanted to check in on me. I didn’t want to talk about what had happened, and I didn’t have the energy to engage with others.
• Loss of Motivation: I struggled to find motivation to do even the simplest tasks. The thought of starting over felt exhausting, and I found it difficult to focus on anything productive. It was as if the future I had envisioned had been wiped away, and I was left with a sense of emptiness.
• Difficulty Sleeping: My mind would race at night, replaying the events that led to the company’s closure. I found it difficult to sleep, and when I did, it was often restless. The weight of the situation felt inescapable, even in my dreams.
• Questioning Self-Worth: I began to question my own self-worth, wondering if I had made the right career choices and whether I was good enough to succeed in this industry. The loss of the job felt like a personal failure, even though I knew it wasn’t my fault.
• Feeling Overwhelmed by the Future: The uncertainty of the future felt overwhelming. I couldn’t see a clear path forward, and the thought of rebuilding my career from scratch seemed daunting. This sense of being lost and unsure of what to do next was a heavy burden to bear.
While depression was incredibly difficult to navigate, I knew it was a stage I had to go through to fully process the loss. It was a time to grieve the end of a chapter and to come to terms with what had happened.
Acceptance: “This Is My Reality”
Acceptance doesn’t mean that everything is okay, or that the loss doesn’t hurt anymore. It means coming to terms with the reality of the situation and finding a way to move forward. Here are some of the behaviors and thoughts that signaled I was moving into the acceptance stage:
• Acknowledging the Loss: I began to acknowledge the loss for what it was—a significant and painful event in my career, but not the end of my journey. I started to accept that the company was gone and that I needed to focus on what came next.
• Reflecting on Lessons Learned: I took time to reflect on the lessons I had learned from the experience. I recognized the skills I had gained, the relationships I had built, and the resilience I had developed. These reflections helped me see the value in what I had gone through.
• Setting New Goals: I started setting new goals for myself, both professionally and personally. I began to think about the next steps in my career, exploring new opportunities and considering how I could use this experience to propel me forward.
• Reconnecting with My Passion: I reconnected with my passion for aviation and innovation, reminding myself why I entered this industry in the first place. This renewed sense of purpose helped me shift my focus from what I had lost to what I could achieve in the future.
• Reaching Out for Support: I began reaching out to my network for support, not just to discuss job opportunities but also to share my experiences and learn from others who had been through similar challenges. This sense of community and shared understanding was incredibly healing.
• Embracing the Future: Finally, I started to embrace the uncertainty of the future with a sense of optimism. I accepted that while I couldn’t change what had happened, I had the power to shape what came next. I began to look forward to new opportunities and to the possibility of creating something even better.
Acceptance was not about forgetting the loss, but about integrating it into the broader narrative of my life and finding a way to move forward with hope and determination.
Moving Forward: Embracing the Future
As I reflect on these stages of grief, I’m reminded that they are not linear. We don’t move through them in a straight line, nor do we experience them in the same way. Some stages may last longer than others, and it’s possible to move back and forth between them. For me, this process is ongoing. I am still cycling through each of these emotions—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—and it will take me much longer than a week to get through everything. But I am putting one foot in front of the other and taking each day one at a time.
In my case, this journey through grief has led to a deeper understanding of myself and my resilience. It has reinforced my commitment to the values that have guided my career—innovation, collaboration, and a relentless drive to make a difference. As I continue to move forward, I’m more determined than ever to apply these lessons, to embrace the challenges ahead, and to continue contributing to the aviation industry that I love.
This process has not been easy, and I know it will take time. But it’s necessary. It’s a reminder that loss, while painful, is also a part of growth. By facing it head-on, by moving through the stages of grief at my own pace, I’m confident that I will emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient.
Conclusion: A Journey Beyond the Flight Deck
Grief is a powerful emotion, and it’s one that we all experience in different ways. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, or a dream, the stages of grief are a natural part of the healing process. My journey through these stages has been challenging, and it’s far from over, but it has already been transformative. It has reminded me that resilience is not just about enduring loss, but about finding a way to grow through it, even if that growth takes time.
As I continue my journey beyond the flight deck, I’m taking these lessons with me. I’m embracing the uncertainty of the future with optimism and a renewed sense of purpose. And I’m committed to sharing these experiences with others, in the hope that my journey can offer insight and encouragement to those facing their own challenges.
Thank you for reading this edition of Beyond the Flight Deck. I hope my story resonates with you and offers some comfort or perspective if you’re facing your own challenges. As always, I’m here to connect, share, and support as we all navigate this journey together.
Until next time,
Dana